Ponderings in the Garden

I awaken to the morning sun shining through my window as a new day begins. Muddled through my head are thoughts extenuating from the past few days, paddling through the house, to the kitchen to make coffee. Overwhelmed, as I look to the days before me. Clarity of purpose, or so I thought, has always existed within me. Today, as I make my way to the back garden, never more unsure of my life as I am right now. I take to the solace of my garden, the comfort of the fae have always brought clarity to me. As I sit, balanced on the step, thinking it is time to bring out the patio furniture; I look at the debris scattered all about the garden, feeling much like my life. Each plastic pot, representing one segment of my life that was neatly compiled and tucked away in my life. Accessible and happy. Purpose, friends, thoughts, feelings and most of all, as a mother. Then, one gust of wind blows it all away. My life in a disarray much like the garden. Causing me to rethink every part of what existed to be me, and now, I am no more. At least this is how it feels.

 I close my eyes, to lose my self in the sense my dishevelled surroundings of my life. I hear the soft song of the fae. “Time is running out”. How, how can time be running out? Life was in order, plan and purpose all running smoothly. Direction, clear and concise as to the destiny. You gave me all the signs, the direction was clear. I headed to that which you put before me. What did I do wrong? In one moment, one phone call, one sentence, it all changes. You took it all away. All of it! Left now feeling more confused then I have ever been in this lifetime. Perhaps that is because, I have really failed as a human on this planet. Failed in my role as a parent and a friend. All that defined ‘me’ as me is no more. Everything I thought I was, is no more. ‘It is one thing to be confident,” the fae tell me. “And quite another to be certain, it is necessary to feel confident in order for you to reach absolute certainty within” So, have I really been certain, with no confidence at all? Or confident without being certain.

This brings along thoughts of being a parent. In this time when I thought all was certain, I failed to provide direction and the last thread of my existence begins to frail as she decides she wants to leave. I am depleted. No direction, no future… no life. Who am I really, who have I been… and what will I be. Nothing? Have I failed to provide direction for my daughter in searching for my own direction. All the while, thinking that I was showing her to seek that which in empowered within you. Really, what I have said is chase your dreams, live in the moment, for one day all your work may be for naught??? I have failed and now must let her follow her own path. Perhaps she will be the success I never was.

Friendships they will come and they will go, I am all alone. I have always really only been alone. Reasons, seasons, lifetimes. These are all far and between. Never any certainties there. The road before me seems dark and damp as the storm clouds roll in. It begins to rain. The perfect metaphor of my life at this moment as I get washed away by it all… my rainbow is gone! Will it return?


Copyright © – 2009 – all rights reserved.  

   ~ Angelyn

Morning Sun

The birds have begun their morning song in the twilight of the morn. The earth becoming warm, the fresh scent of newness of the flowers as the begin to bud, the grass as it grows. Choirs sing all around me. This morning as the sun rises upon the crest of the earth, my coffee in hand as I sit upon the front step. Breathing in the freshness of the morning, and the light of the new sun as it faces me, shining her light and warmth upon my face. A warm breeze kisses my cheeks with a message of love. Whispering in the dew of the morning. A song of newness and promises of a blissful day.

The morning doves adorn themselves on my front lawn, a pair. Spring has begun, the song of new love and new hope, with it brings promises of new life, new and better days to come, reminding me that as long as there is love in my heart, all things are possible. Not just for me, but for all that believe and have faith to trust in themselves. Trust that with faith and guidance you will be taken to follow the path that is right for you. Believe in yourself and know that soon, life is what it is, what you make of it is how it will turn out.

In this sweet song of life, I feel in my heart as it beats a little faster, I hear the sound of the beats and hear the message of life; there is life and love for all. There is plenty of abundance, reach for yours, know that you deserve to have all that you desire in your life. Know that there is plenty of abundance upon this planet. Find your golden star, it is not too far away from your reach, grasp it and make your dreams come true. If you are honest with your heart, you will know what that is. If you are true to yourself, you will know where to find it. If you believe in yourself, you will make it happen. Then, you will share this knowledge with others, and share the joy that is within you! Find your Joy, its there and you don’t have to look very far!

~ Blessed Be ~ Angelyn

Copyright © – 2009 – all rights reserved.

 

morning-light

Morning visitor

I gather my coffee cup in both hands and I head out to the stoop, waiting for the sun to rise, allowing the warmth of the liquid to warm me. I breathe in the brisk morning air into my lungs. My friend the blue jay comes to visit. He perches himself on the barren flower pot, looking for seed. I remain still, so as not to disturb his morning ritual. I close my eyes and listen to the silence. When my friend begins his morning serenade. His soft morning chirps soften in the breeze. And through the melody, I hear the words of my messenger as he speaks solemnly to me; “Times may appear difficult right now in your world, but in the morning light, a new day will appear and with it new life; new hope. Until, day by day, moment by moment what is dark is no more. For all is not as it appears to be. Lick the wounds of life and allow them to heal, for the band aids do not heal, they mask the problems at hand, you must face them. Take off the ‘band aid’ and heal. Listen to your heart.” I felt the love return to my soul. My feathered messenger then flew away. I open my eyes as the sun begins to crest the horizon, beaming brightly. Shining down upon me. She awakens to the new day. Softly melting the dew from all that has been blanketed the night before. And with her bright light brings new hope for today is indeed a new day. And life begins once again. ~ Blessings ~ Angelyn

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Copyright © – 2009 – all rights reserved.